I am going to start this one off by saying its 10:49pm and I told myself to go to bed at 9:00. This is the fifth week in a row I have made this mistake. When the kids go down to be at 8:00pm, I just get so excited for a little “me time”, I get carried away.
Today I did a lot of motherhood soul searching. I do not get many days alone with my children, its a blessing and a curse. I have a ton of people willing to come hang and help, and as a mom of twins I am grateful .. but also resentful. I love my personal time with my boys.. we bond , we laugh, we play, we nap, watch silly nursery rhymes, and just enjoy each other. I never and will never say no to company , I love how much people love my children… but they are 4 months old and I only had 4 days total to myself.
With that being said , I want to explain my life a little before the babies came. I am going to say I lived a very high life. I went to bed at 10:00pm every night and woke up at 8:00am. I used to go to work out classes , cooked intricate meals, went for brunch with friends once a week, bought whatever I was in the mood to, spoiled my loved ones, and never said no. I worked four jobs but they were all dictated by me and when I wanted to work them. I was mainly a busy hair colorist and loved to shoot the shit with my clients all day every day.
I am now a stay at home mom. I do not sleep when I feel like it, I hesitate any purchase, I have tried so hard to make pilates an every day thing and it winds up being twice a week. I am always saying no to things , I look up 20 minute recipes daily, and I went from spoiling my friends and family , to forgetting important dates because I simply just do not know what day it is.
On top of my change in lifestyle, I look completely different. My stomach will take a while to bounce back , I have very strange breast feeding titties, and I never look awake. More times than not, I hate myself. I miss the eyelash extensions , the fake tan, my monthly facials, and the excuse to get dressed up. The maintenance upkeep is just not practical and there is no where to go.
There are certain things I have found extremely important to implement in to my day if I wanted to survive as a stay at home mother. Every morning before I get the babies out of their bed , I must make mine. A made bed to start the day makes me feel like I am starting out on the right foot. After that, the kids play and I watch them with a very large, strong, cup of coffee. Afterwards, they have their morning bottle and then down for their catnap. At this point I would stay in my pajamas and scroll through my phone. I now have vowed to shower, get dressed, do my makeup, and eat breakfast all in that 45 minutes. What has kept me the most sane though, is their three hour afternoon nap. No one comes over because they are sleeping, and let’s face it ….no one is here to see me. I get some personal time ( usually doing laundry or prepping dinner.) Regardless, it is mindless and no one is crying for me. I find some personal time again at night , these are the hours I like to catch up with my husband.
This is by far the hardest job I have ever done. It is extremely physical and emotionally draining. I find myself never sitting down , and always laughing and crying alongside my kids. As hard as it is, I do not ever want a break. Mom energy is a different kind of energy. I have dedicated the past four months to two tiny humans that make it so friggen worth it. I do not want to miss a beat in all of their new developments. It has been so fun to cheer them on. I have never respected mothers more in my life. Being a mother to me , means experiencing every emotion there is to have in one day. It is working your ass off with a priceless paycheck. It is being so consumed in your child’s life, you forget you have one of your own. God has blessed us with the ability to become a mother.
For any of you who have read this, I would love for you to comment with your favorite story while being a mother. So far mine is when I had to jump out of the shower to binky pop and I ran back to the bathroom to continue to wash myself and I slid and fell flat on my ass. If you do not have children , feel free to give your own mother a shout out , she deserves it! If you wish to not comment at all, but you have children , please say to yourself… I am a mother, and I am a bad ass fuckin bitch!