I recently read an article about how you love your kid so much, but after having them, it gets hard to love yourself. I have been wanting to write about this topic, and that author gave me the push to do so. During pregnancy I was super amazed at what my body could do. It was forming these two little tiny humans from scratch. I felt nauseous , swollen, light headed, and some other things at times, but it was all for the sole purpose of creating life. My ever growing body did not make me feel super sexy, but it made me feel insanely powerful. I was a host for two children or as my friend would call it, I was a “human crockpot”. I would think to myself, wow .. before this experience I was never happy with my body image. My belly wasn’t flat enough, my thighs rubbed together, my biceps weren’t cut. Whatever it was, I found a way to complain about it, like most women do. Once my body took over and created my two magical children, I thought to myself, how on earth could I ever put myself down again? Turns out, you wind up back at square one.
My first struggle after birth was that I still looked pregnant. Two weeks postpartum, I went to get my eyebrows threaded for the first time in a long time. I couldn’t wait to get them done and to feel human again. I was in the chair for no more than 2 seconds when the lady doing my eyebrows asked me when I am due. Now I tried my best to shake it off, I just had two babies, it is what it is.
Since I am breast feeding, the weight really is falling off fast which is a positive. The less weight I was carrying, the more energy I was getting. This was great since I need to tend to two babies, but the flab!! This loose ass belly, what the hell do I do with this? I signed up for post natal pilates and have been walking my babies around the neighborhood but this will definitely take time. Again, I try to be understanding to the fact that I just had kids only 8 weeks ago, but god damn, what an eye sore. The stretch marks, I thought I was going to love them. I thought every line would represent the wonders of the female body during pregnancy. That is a load of crap, I can do without each and every one of those lines.
These BOOBS! My perky cute tits turned in to a milk making factory. What once was a sexual attraction is now means for production. My nipples are being pulled into a pump at least 6 times a day and if you make eye contact with them .. they leak. They have grown double in size, which calls for baby powder under the boob. It is cool that your body can supply the food for your children though, right? Yea I guess so, until you want to dress up and feel sexy and your bra basically looks like an over the shoulder boulder holder. Let us not forget about the nipple pads that go inside the bra so you do not leak through to your shirt. “Hey husband, when it comes to sexy time… before you unlatch my bra, make sure you reach in and take out those pads.”
Speaking of sex, it is complicated. It isn’t the same. I have to get used to the new me and I have to learn to appreciate her. I have to remind myself of her strength and what my body has done for me. My body has introduced me to the loves of my life. Instead of turning every single light off and giving clear directions of hand placement, I have to embrace that every roll, every flab, my raised scar.. made the two of us a family of four. I have to treat my body with health and patience and we will one day get back to where we were. In the meantime, as I struggle to find my beauty in the mirror, I will find it looking back at me in the eyes of my children.